It's official. He's growing up. I am now a Mom with permission slips, school artwork, indoor school shoes, backpacks and snacks. Did he have to turn 3 years old? Could I not leave him in his bubble of tiny diapers,onesies and rocking him to sleep? It was about time he started Preschool. He's actually doing very well in preschool and we are very proud of him. I had a proud mommy moment when I picked him up the other day from school to have his teacher hand me his very first school art work. With a smile on my face and a tear in my eye all I could muster up to say was "aww". He's been making friends and having a lot of fun at preschool. It's been going better than we could ever expect.
As much as I love and accept Reilly the way he is, it's still hard to grief the fact that your child has special needs.No parent ever wishes thier child to be born this way. But the thing is that you don't have a choice once your faced with it. I cannot go back and change him. I can only go forward and try to make do with what we are given. Some days are better than others. I relish in the days he can sing me "Row Row Your Boat", but am sadden in the days that people look at him funny in stores and that he doesn't even know his own name. It broke my heart when he didn't even know it was his own birthday a few weeks ago.
I think the worst feeling is when you know your child is being judged. Right in front of you. It's hard because Reilly doesn't have the "face of Autism". He looks like any other child. On the outside. On the inside he must be screaming for someone to understand how he thinks and feels. Even as his parent I struggle most days to figure out what makes him tick. Hearing him talk sometimes is like trying to translate someone speaking a forgein language. You only know a key word here or there and overtime you pick up new words slowly.
It's going to be a long few weeks coming up for Reilly. He has a sleep EEG to check if he is having seizures when he wakes up, a follow up on his B12 issues at the BC Children's Hospital, a gastro-intenstinal scope, and a hearing test follow up. A full plate for a busy 3 year old. He's quite a trooper through out each medical test. He's such a strong little boy who has been through what any other 3 year old shouldn't.
His first shouldn't be doctors, MRI's, CT Scan's and therapy. But such is life, and we try to adjust to it as much as we can. It's tough watching your child scream and cry with each procedure. It's heart breaking but we just want the best for him and his health. Slowly we find answers but more answers lead to more questions.
