"Bug off"

It's 10:45pm and I should be asleep. I stay awake thinking how lucky I am. I have such a wonderful life. An amazing family, wonderful friends, a beautiful and scenic place to wake up to each day. God has given much many struggles but many good things that I take for granted each day. I think we all lose focus sometimes on what is really important. I forget that my situation could be much worse. Most people who do know me know that I tend to put a humorous spin on my struggles with Reilly. I tend to make light when he's melting down in public or when any other autism "symptoms" are showing. Maybe this is my own therapy or maybe it's my way of lessening my stress. Who knows, but at the end of the day, I don't remember when he threw his shoes across the room in public, but I remember when he kissed me goodnight and he runs to me in the middle of the night when he's scared for a hug.

Reilly has picked up a handful of new words lately and were pretty excited! He did learn a bit of a bad word which is a bit funny but not at the same time. So he was talking to my mom on the phone the other day and was telling her "bug off"..which sounded like that to her but I thought after I was pretty sure what I knew he was saying. I won't say it but you can piece it together. lol. He is becoming more communicative and even saying "what's good" on the phone when someone calls. At least it sounds like that and I'll take it.

I may be a bit biased as his mom but I am so proud of him. He's such an amazing, smart little boy.  Brandon and I made cupcakes the other night and when Ry woke up and went to the fridge to open it the next morning, which by the way is his new obsession, he was in awe of all the little cupcakes surrounding the fridge. We thought he was being sweet by grabbing a cupcake and bringing us each one, even one for Zander, until we realized he wasn't just bringing us each cupcakes but taking all the cupcakes out of the fridge. Mind you in a very sneaky manner. Slowly enough that you wouldnt' catch on til it was too late that all the cupcakes were out of the fridge around the house. lol. Try running after a fast 3 year old with 2 cupcakes in his hands. He was in his glory running away from me. He thought he out smarted me by grabbing one in each hand and bolting but he didnt' realize I'd eventually catch up to him and try to gently take them out of his hands. Hey, they were good and I was not ruining any!

Reilly's Behaviourial Interventionist came by this week to meet Reilly and to start to establish a relationship with him before therapy starts. It's essential that they establish a relationship because therapy can get very intense and she needs Reilly to trust her and want to be around her in order for the therapy to be successful. They had such a wonderful play date and he loved her. Reilly will be having 2 Behavioural Interventionists' coming during the week to work with him. I'm not exactly sure on the hours yet but it will be aside from his preschool hours. As far as I know he will have therapy 2hrs a day/ 5 days a week.

I did have a very challenging day with both kids last week.   First we went to my work so I could discuss going back to work. Which went ok aside from Reilly not wanting to walk into the store and crying and dragging beside me. Zander was a bit fussy leaving but I thought I'd console him, via food, when we got to the next errand. We had to go into town and by this point Zander is hysterical and really upset. I try to feed him to no avail so I give up and put him in the snuggly in hopes he will calm down as we walk. He continues to scream as if Texas could hear him as we walk down the road with Reilly in the stroller. I get stared as we are walking, which isn't uncommon. I get to the bank and it's as if they knew it would be boring, Reilly starts to get really pissed off that we had to wait in line. He begins to drag his feet around in the stroller (like flintstones pushing it around, yes even with the brakes on). At this point I'm attempting to talk with the teller with two screaming kids. Ok not uncommon with most people but still frustrating. So I have one more errand to do so I say hey who cares let's try doing it. I go to the Service Canada place to take care of something for Reilly. I get there with both children still screaming. Reilly finally calms down as we get there until we stop moving again. Ugh. I go to sit down at the worker's desk with Zander screaming his lungs out and Reilly having just about enough in his stroller. I try to quickly console Zander and take him out and try to bounce him and rock him. Oh yes, this parent forgot her diaper bag or blanket so I can't feed him. Another ugh!So by this point, the lady is asking a billion questions and Reilly is in the process of throwing his shoes across the room along with his hat. At this point, I have everyone in the room staring at me. I mean everyone. They give me the look. Any other parent who has an Autistic child knows this look. Finally a lady helps me out and takes Zander to calm him down. Reilly at this point is screaming and pushing his stroller around. I get out of there with everyone killing me with death stares. Almost in tears I go to my nearby doctor's office to make a call to the Clements Centre to see if I can get him in the sensory room to calm him down. ( this place is 2 min drive away). I get in there and as I'm on the phone Reilly decides to whip his shoes off again and get upset. Great, again stares and Zander gets hysterical again because he's overtired, tired of hearing Reilly screaming or still hungry. I get out of the doctor's office without losing my cool. I drive over to the Clements Centre and look for someone to help me. Reilly's Infant Development Consultant isn't around and I ask if anyone could help me calm him down. I start to cry and had just about enough. Luckily they help calm me and Zander down and Reilly becomes a bit more mellow after a few attempted minutes in the sensory room. Wow, what a day. All I can really say, is for my sake, if you ever see a mom struggling with kids who are screaming and she looks overwhelmed, please give her some encouragment. We need it so much. Autistic children or not. It never is easy.

Ah, the life!

Good news! We found some regular,weekly babysitters for Reilly! I have one that watches him on weekends, mostly sunday afternoons and another lady that will come mid week to help out and take him for a walk etc! I promised Brandon that I would not clean during those hours and that I "must take a nap"! Trust me, that's a hard promise when your OCD! Reilly has picked up a few new words lately and is becoming more social. A new kid is emerging and were so excited, and therapy hasn't even started yet! He loves to call out Zander's name and today even called him "baby zander" or "z" for short he says. lol! He now refers to his room as "house" and loves to show it to visitors who come over.

Even though Reilly is glued to my hip all day, it's things like this that make this journey a positive one instead of all struggles. Today my acid reflux was bothering me and I was hovered in the bathroom trying to get sick (sorry for the detail there lol), and little Reilly comes in, ok doesn't just "come" in, comes barging in, and walks over to me and "hugs" me. I took his climbing and clinging to my back as some sort of hug.lol. Or maybe he was just trying to squeeze the vomit out of me..who knows! lol.

He's had a bit of trouble sleeping in his room. A change of routine when Grandma came to visit and maybe the melatonin has made for a few challenging nights. Hopefully he will be fine in a few days. We have noticed it has started to regulate his sleep a bit more. He's tired most nights around the same time and doesnt' fight it as bad as he used to. I wish for the night when he slept a full night in his room!

Reilly has also figured out every single way to take off child locks on door handles. That little houdini. I've tired taping them and everything and he can take it off without pulling it apart now! Sheesh! What a clever little guy. It makes it a bit hard to be a few steps ahead of him when your so tired! He also took a chair to the door a few days ago and played with the deadbolt with his fingers. Only a matter of time before he figures that out too!

On a good note, he'll be starting 40 mins of Ball Therapy with his Physical Therapist on Wednesday. He will go for 4 weeks and the good part is that I don't have to be in the room!! I can enjoy some "quiet" time with Zander in the waiting room! Brandon and I agree that we want to be fully involved with his therapy and be there but we also want to be his parents. We don't want to have to be his therapist and his parents. We have been there every step of the way so far and have been to every single therapy and appointment. It's exhausting and overwhelming for us. We want to be able to step back and take a break sometimes from having to be there constantly to watch him. Therapy should be exciting and happy for him. It wouldn't be fair if we dragged our tired and overwhelmed selves to each appointment. We realized were only human and were not being selfish by allowing ourselves some time away from the therapy too! Who knows, maybe he'll be different in therapy if were not around 24/7.

I really do feel like the luckiest mom in the world despite all these obstacles. Reilly is such an amazing, affectionate little boy who melts my heart when he kisses me on the lips each night before bed! But I must go, Reilly is stirring on the couch and off to the bed to get some tiny 3 yr old feet in the face or a hand in the shirt. Ah, the life!